Blast from the past

This was on my livejournal May 2012:

I don’t think I ever posted about that scripture that used to mean so much to me, but which I found I hadn’t thought about in years when it came up recently.  “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind and strength and in the name of Jesus Christ thou shalt serve him.”

I guess it lost some of it’s power over me with the realization I had in November 2007, that it’s not about the parts of me, but what I am part of.  And then I drafted a hymn about it that I felt kind of resolved things, I guess that would have been about a year later.

But I’m feeling a weakness in this area of will and motivation.  There are things I want to accomplish that I have trouble doing.  Things like cleaning my house or working on my writing projects or alternatively getting my medical assistant certification, if I’m not willing to be a writer.  I guess that’s like a punishment I have set out for myself.

I’m stressed about the meeting with the educational psychologist I have today, and stressed about some things that I have done in my online communities.  Things that relate back to the ed psych situation, now that I remember that.  Well, I guess I’ll put another load of laundry in.

I just found myself watching a video about overcoming procrastination this morning and thinking to myself “really?  Self help?”

I watched War and Peace last week and was thinking that Pierre represents the mind, Natasha the heart, Helene/Anatoly the flesh, and Andrei the will.  This is in the film, it was not nearly so clear in the book.  I sometimes feel like I have no will, no might, no motivation.  Well, I’ll give this self help tool a chance.  It’s a matrix covering reasons to and not to do a thing, crossed with desire and fear.  Exposing all those things, rather than wondering why the desire to do is insufficient, is supposed to be empowering.


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